I knew this was a bad idea when I started.

It's about midnight on a Monday and I'm almost positive I went deaf in my left ear some time last week. I was on my couch, alone, and had my finger stuck in my ear, attempting to fill that yawning chasm in my evening between playing video games and masturbating. As I pulled it out, I heard a "-pop-" that was unusual. Since then, I've felt like I've got some kind of something stuck in there. Saltwater? Earwax? My conscience? No clue.

Ultra-swanky NYC scene blog starts tomorrow, with reports from Paper Magazine's Beautiful People Party. It's hosted by the Scissor Sisters, whom I've been assured will merely be hosting and not, I repeat, not performing. Will they be offering me drinks and making me comfortable? Letting me hold the remote and pick where we order dinner from? Doing a monologue? If not, I may find their "hosting" duties somewhat lacking. More tomorrow. . .