Paper Magazine's Beautiful People Party

3-22-05

Paper Magazine's Beautiful People Party

LAME!

This party was a lot less likely to have Lindsay Lohan
snorting coke in the bathroom and a lot more likely to
have a bunch of assholes in dark-colored dress shirts
standing in an IMPOSSIBLY long line for the "open bar,"
which,as almost always, had a sad asterisk next to it. 
Only wine and Svedka brand vodka drinks were free, I
assume because Svedka was trying to push this disgusting
line of flavored vodkas.  There was single-serving bottle
in the gift bag, buried under the Paris Hilton coasters
and Claudia Schiffer playing cards Guess thought we'd all
LOVE, which I have yet to try.  The only one I had was the
 vanilla vodka, which tasted like pennies.

Celebrity sightings?  Bubble Pop Electric was the only one
I noticed, not counting What'sHisName, the late-40s gay
writer who's constantly on those "I Love the 80s, 90s, 70s"
shows, also any Madonna retrospective.  No one was quipping
about Studio 54 or talking about the sociological impact of
"She Bop," so he was leaning against the wall very near the
front door, looking bored out of his mind.  I didn't see him
again. In case you're not familiar with Bubble, by the way,
(and why would you be?) she's one of those fame holdovers;
someone's who's a "downtown sensation" because they're such
an "individual."  Which basically means she wears a blond
wig even though she's Asian and tight clothes even though
she's fat.  Amazing.

And where were the Scissor Sisters?  Their DJ was there,
spinning remixes of Big Country and wearing the exact same
white shirt with the avant single diagonal black stripe
(oh my God!  All my bourgeois ideas about dress have
been called into question!) that he wore the LAST TIME I
saw the Scissor Sisters.  But where were they?  The only 
clue that they might have ever been anywhere near the club
were two empty overstuffed chairs sitting on a dias in front
 of the DJ booth and their pics staring down at us from the
endless loop of Paper's "Beautiful People" being projected
on the ceiling.  I left early to smoke pot and watch "Curb
Your Enthusiasm."